The answer is bacon.

I’ve thought about it long and hard and I think the answer to my problem really is bacon!  What problem is it that can be solved by this miracle meat you ask?  Hippies.  That’s right.  Not even all of them really, just the small subset who come in here and feel that the one bath a year they are accustomed to really is optional.  If a minute after someone walks in the odor is so strong my eyes actually tear up there is something very wrong.  As much as I want to spray them down with my bottle of sanitizer I always resist temptation.  So the dilemma became how to keep them from wanting to come in here.  After all, these inevitably are the type of people who come in, ask a ton of questions, sample all the beer, and then buy a 50 cent package of yeast so they can attempt to ferment the berry/flower/beet of the week.

The answer is so simple.  Bacon.  A little bacon grease in all our beers, and make sure to let them know.  They’ll be so revolted they’ll tell all their friends and boycott us!  Okay, so maybe that isn’t a real solution.  I’ll just go back to the fantasy in my mind of renting a crop duster, filling it with soap water and making passes over the Grassroots festival.